I was almost born on the freeway. That's what my parents told me, anyway. I began kicking myself out of my placental cocoon, ready to face the world head on. Well, arm on...I was sideways. Finally, at 4:15 p.m. on October 22, 1981, Jennifer Robin Pryor became a new population statistic. I have a picture of my mom holding me, her firstborn. I can only imagine what was going through her head at that very moment. She's wearing a big, open-mouthed grin. She is happy. I'm sure there are probably women who think, "What the fuck have I done?" or "God, I hope I don't screw up this kid like my mom screwed me up." My mom never thought that -- about any of her three children. She knew we deserved the clean slate to which we were entitled. I am grateful to her for that. We were allowed to come into the world open-minded. She showed us the difference between right and wrong, which is the only foundation you really need in life.
If there's one thing I can say about my mom, it's that she has always supported me, unconditionally. She has not always agreed with me, that's for sure, but she has certainly always given me an open ear and an open heart and a kind word to help ease the pain. No matter the antics I and my siblings have pulled, she has always kept her door open to us and given us shelter and nurtured us. She has shared in our laughter and our tears, our joys and our pains, our bad haircuts, puberty, bad relationships, marriage, divorce....you name it. Now I live back at home with my mother while I go through my divorce, and it's like Sophia and Dorothy from The Golden Girls. We have our moments of banter and unnerving one another; but for the most part it's not so bad.
My mom isn't the sappy, pearlized-roses-on-the-front-of-the-card type; she's the get-to-the-point type..and the point had better be worth her listening. So, in the true spirit of my own mother, here are some Yo Momma jokes.
Yo momma so dumb she thinks a quarterback is a refund.
Yo momma so dumb she put lipstick on her head to make up her mind.
Yo momma so ugly when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out.
Yo momma so fat, her nickname is DAY-UM.
Yo momma so old, her birth certificate says expired on it.
Happy Mother's Day, y'all.
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