Today is the funeral of one of my oldest friends. I've wanted to write since I received news of his passing, but was at too much a loss of words. Suddenly, this morning, a flood of thoughts and emotions raced through my mind, and I am finally able to fulfill my compulsion.
Cole and I were in the same circle of friends back in middle school. We were a group of kids who enjoyed spending time together and laughing our way through life. Every time I think about any of us being together, I just remember us laughing, and then it occurred to me that the majority of the time, we were laughing at something Cole said or did. He had the most genius sense of humor and could make anyone laugh at any given time. We had our goofy private jokes, as most middle-schoolers do, but we always had a good time. No matter how long it had been since you had seen him, you could always pick up right where you left off with Cole. Time and distance were never barriers.
I feel an enormous amount of guilt and regret that I didn't do a better job of keeping in touch with not only Cole, but the remainder of everyone I knew. I realized this morning that I am a walking contradiction; I always tell everyone that old friends are the best friends, but I did a shitty job of keeping my old friends in my life. Sure, everyone grows up and starts a life of their own, whether it works out or not, but it was wrong of me to isolate myself from the people who are near and dear to me.
I saw Cole recently at a coffee shop; I was there with another friend and saw him across the room. I don't know why, but I didn't get up to say hello. He was 15 feet away from me, and I didn't even get up to walk over and say hello to someone I've known for 18 years. I'm so incredibly angry with myself for that.
From Cole's passing, I have done some soul-searching and I have learned a few things. It is so important to seize every opportunity that arises each day. If you let opportunity by opportunity slip by, life will disappear before you know it.
Cole, my heart aches because you're gone. I have so many more feelings than I do the words to express them, but I hope you left this world knowing what an impact you had on people, including me. You are loved by many and will be missed by us all. You'll always be my Tonya Harding. Rest in peace, Cole.
